Friday, January 2, 2009

...and then the COPS came!

Well, 2009 has gotten started off with a bang! I'm ready to retreat to classroom to escape all the excitement. I'm just gonna put it out there and tell the story just the way it happened, no foolin'!

Marley, the Poop Machine, woke me up dark and early at 5:30 because she had her thang! The warmth of my covers and the pounding of the rain on the skylight made me ever so resistant to provide her with the relief she craved. But, like me, she's a persistent little pooch, so I, very gently mind you, led her to the door and nudged her outside. I'm assuming she took care of her situation because when I woke up twenty minutes later, there she sat, looking as cute and demure as ever, pleading with her big brown eyes to allow her admittance to the castle. I cracked open the door and stepped aside, as the little varmit nipped savagely at my ankles with her razor sharp teeth.

That's how the day started, but it gets better...

My goal for the morning was to finish filling out Chelcie's college paperwork, so she would be all set to complete her final registration for Spring semester. Very stressful for me! I have this theory that if I get the most dreaded task finished first, there's no where to go but up! So I was determined to get this completed asap.

As is typically the case around here, my children, affectionately referred to as Bonnie and Clyde, Thing 1 and Thing 2, Hilter and Mussolini...(pick one), started a bicker-fest that had me ready to string them up by their toes! This one was at least a 9.8 based on my most conservative assessment.

Allow me to set the stage...rainy day. New puppy. Late nights. Early mornings. No school. BOREDOM. Sure, I threatened and I warned, I promised and I bribed, but there was no end in sight. The high pitched screams, the "I'm telllllllllin' Mom!" "She started it!" "He hit me first!" You name it, they said/did it. Side note: Ya' think kids have a built in sense of when a person REALLY needs to concentrate and focus?

Enough detail. I think you're with me. Finally, I realized I had to take a break to remedy the situation before blood was drawn. I pushed my papers to the side, gently closed my laptop, and as calmly as a civilized human being could muster, I cooed these words to my offspring..."Both of you, to your room NOW!!" (enthusiastic coo) In hindsight, perhaps I was to blame for the antics of the morning, but I desperately needed some relief. I set them both up with books to read and a ten minute time-out and headed back to table with the hopes of finishing my detested task in ...well,...ten minutes, of course!

The first 2.5 minutes were relatively calm, but then I heard the murmurings of a pending explosion. I determined to work harder and faster as I raced against the imaginary clock ticking down the seconds 'til disaster struck! With only 3 minutes remaining in my ten minute respite, I was again jolted out of my focused "zone," by a very loud, very persistent knock on my front door.

The front door? No one comes to the front door at my house. We're back door people. I hadn't heard a car. I peered out the window but could only see the shadow of someone at my door. Creepy and strange. I used the safety rules I had taught at school and did not open the door but instead asked, "Who's there?"

"Knox County Sheriff's Department, Ma'am." Refrains of "bad boys, bad boys, whacha gonna do? Whacha gonna do when they come for you?" played in the back of my mind. I breathed a quick prayer that whatever it was that brought the po-leese to my door, would be something God would give me the strength to handle. Then I opened the door.

"Ma'am, we received a 911 hangup call from this residence." HUGE rush of relief washed over me before I called my little darlings from their bedrooms. If only I'd had a camera to capture the look on Addie's face when she rounded the corner only to find a very large, intimidating officer of the law in full uniform! Looking back on it, I have to laugh, but at the time it was important for her to learn what happens when 911 is called. Soon after Addie, came Sam. I calmly asked them (I'm serious, I WAS calm. I promise) if they had called 911. Sam wasted not a moment informing me that "Addie did it!"

As Addie broke down and cried tears of remorse and regret into my belly, I explained to her that 911 is only for real emergencies. To which Sam explained in all the sincerity a six year old could muster, "Addie said it was against the law for boys to hit girls and since I hit her, she was calling to report me."

The officer was very understanding and kind. He said that whenever there's a hangup call, the dispatcher calls the number back. When they did that for my number, there was no answer. (The reason being that that $%#@*& dog had finally settled into her kennel for a long winter's nap and I didn't want to phone to rouse her from her slumber, so I turned off the ringer)! I apologized to the officer and he was, fortunately, satisfied that all was well at the Crawford abode, then he headed on his way.

As soon as the door was shut, Chelcie emerged from her cave to hear a first-hand account of the drama she had so blissfully slept through. We grabbed her camera from the table, just in time to snap a blurry picture of the patrol car heading up the hill in front of our house. (I'll post the picture later). As for the rest of my day? Let's just say it truly WAS all up from that point on!

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