Here we are already. The last day of 2010. There's just something about a fresh start. A chance to do it better this time. A clean slate. No mistakes. No stains. No failures. No regrets. No disappointments. No bad decisions. The possibilities are endless. I can be a better person in the new year. Eat less. Exercise more. Get up earlier. Read more. Be nicer. Be more patient. Give my all. I think that's why I love a new school year. THIS year I'll be more organized. THIS year I won't procrastinate. THIS year I'll pray for each student BY NAME every day...but, in time, I forget. I fall. I fail. I slide down the mountain of expectation I've climbed in the hope of a better view.
I believe God knew what He was doing when He created me. He knew my flaws, my defects, and imperfections. I can't hide them from Him. He knows. Because He knows, I have the freedom to turn my mess over to Him and let Him do His work in me, perfecting me in the way He would have me be more useful to Him. He also knows where I'm scarred, healed over from past wounds. He knows how to pierce my thick skin in the places where I've been hurt and healed many times over.
What is it with me? Why do I ever question Him? How can I ever wonder if He knows what He's doing? God never, ever wastes a hurt. He can and will use my biggest hurt to make the biggest difference for His glory...IF, there's always an "if" - IF I will let Him. My decision on this last day of 2010 is to turn it all over. All of it. The whole mess.
I was reading a little book tonight that has sat on my coffee table for a few weeks. It's a sappy, little gift book called "God Thinks You're Wonderful" by Max Lucado. Here are a couple of the lines that jumped off the page at me:
-He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning (Why do I ever miss a sunrise?)
-"I have written your name on my hand." Isaiah 49:16 (Think of all the crazy things teenagers write on their hands...God has "Amy" written there in a bold, black Sharpie and that makes me smile)
-The next time a sunrise steals your breath...or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless...remain that way. Say nothing and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you." (Sometimes I really do hear that whisper, and it never ceases to stir my heart and often brings tears to my eyes - God, I want more of you!)
-Why give a flower fragrance? Why give food its taste? Could it be He loves to see that look upon your face? (Wow. I never thought about all the things He has done that I've completely taken from granted...blue in the sky, funny chicken struts, the smell of fresh cut grass, the satisfying crunch of leaves in the fall...)
-You were deliberately planned, specially gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth by the Master Craftsman. (Being me is looking better all the time!)