Wednesday, February 9, 2011

AES, Part II

Yesterday, I took the entire day off from school.  The "lump" was still there.  My results were abnormal.  My anxious thoughts robbed me of peaceful sleep.  Each time an upsetting thought crossed my mind, I'd tell myself to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and thanksgiving make your requests known to God"

I took stock of my life.  IF it is the worst, then what did I have to fear?  I've lived a great life.  I know where I'm going...but somewhere in the deep recesses of my mind, I still wondered if I'd gotten the whole faith thing right.  God would let me into Heaven, wouldn't He?  I did accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.  I acknowledge that I am a sinner and cannot save myself.  I hoped with everything in me that I got that part right.  I even found myself thinking of people I would know in heaven.  Papaw Ebb and Papaw Elbert.  Grandmother King.  Rick Campbell.  Vickie Tharpe.  Dale Mayo.  Would they have time to welcome me?  Would I be scared?  I know it sounds absolutely crazy to have these kinds of thoughts but they were there.

Funny how perspective changes the way you see, hear, feel, and experience ordinary things.  I've enjoyed the taste of my food more.  I've listened more closely to my children and I've given them my undivided attention.  I've appreciated my husband and took notice of the little things he does to make my life easier.  I savored the day.

One o'clock came way too soon and as I headed back to the Palace of Pain, I regretted not having lunch with my kids at school when I had the chance.

This time as I made my way in the doors, I wondered if this would become a regular thing for me.  Would I be coming here so often that I'd become familiar with the details of the building?

Check-in was very similar to the first time with the exception of the number of people in the waiting room.  There must have been at least 20 men waiting there.  Some were dozing; some were watching TV, some were reading; a couple were playing with their phones; and two or three were just wringing their hands.  I missed Tom and wanted "my man" to be there with me too.

I read a quote on the desk of my "insurance card" lady that read, "You can tell more about a person by what he says about others than by what others say about him."  Have I said more good things about people than bad?  Not lately.  I've been so critical. My tongue can be so cruel.  Tame your tongue, Amy.  Shut your mouth.  Conviction.  Got it, God.

I was called back to the changing room after a short wait.

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